To work... or not to work

In September, my school system was gracious enough to grant me the rest of the school year off work to transition our children into our family In the last month, I have had to decide if I am going back to work or not in the fall.

This decision has proven to be more difficult than I imagined from the beginning. First of all, I love teaching. I love educating and I love working with the Deaf community. On the other hand, my family is my top priority now. 

Returning to work would mean a return to normalcy, a break from parenting and reuniting with my amazing co-workers. It would also mean putting little bit in daycare less than 1 year after joining our family and hiring an after school nanny to watch the kids until I could get home.

Staying home would mean giving up my dream job and tenure. It would also mean being able to be a volunteer at my sons' school and be there to get them everyday after school. I can also keep little bit home another year before school starts. 

As an educated woman in today's society, I feel the need to work to prove my worth. I take a great amount of pride in being a Teacher of the Deaf. I take pride in working. 

We knew that one day, we wanted children and we also shared the desire for me to stay home with them. That was when we thought we would have biological children and that would be a 6-8 year time frame before the youngest would start school. Because we knew that there might be a time when we would live on one income, we have always lived on one income. Little did we know that our path would take us to these amazing children and that time frame for the littlest to start school would be more like 18 months.

When asking my counsel of wise friends, I heard two main themes... "you can always go back and try it, and if it doesn't work out, you can quit", or "you will never get these years back, you can always go back and teach later... stay home". 

If I count the years, I've missed 11, 9, 5 and 3 years of my kids lives... even though it doesn't work like this, if I add them up, that is 28 years of life that I missed out on! Why would I choose to work and miss any more of it? One point for stay home.

I've worked really hard to earn a Vanderbilt degree and even harder to be a good educator and earn tenure. I don't want to just give that up for one year at home. Little bit starts school in the fall of '15. To have to reapply for a job that may or may not be available doesn't seem right. One point for go-back-to-work.

My kids have already had lots of instability in their lives... to have a different person waiting on them when they get home doesn't seem fair. Why should I let someone else have those precious hours fresh home from school? One point for stay home.

If I'm completely honest, even though I secretly want to be a stay at home mom, I don't think I am a very good one. The ingrained belief system I function from is "If I'm not awesome at it, I don't do it.". That system doesn't work very well when you vow to love and raise 4 children. and you think you stink at it.  All this added one point to the go-back-to-work side of the pro-con list.



What to do?  What did you decide when the time came? 

The decision is different for every family. Some families have to be dual-income families. Some families want to be dual-income families. Some single parents don't have the luxury of getting to choose. 

After weeks of praying and counsel, we have decided for me to stay home. I submitted my letter of resignation to be effective May 28th.

The decision was hard and not taken lightly. I do not feel as though I'm taking an easier road, nor do I feel as though I'm taking a harder road. I understand the working mom/dad. I understand the work from home dad/mom. I understand the stay at home mom/dad. I also understand the working woman, desiring nothing more than to have a precious child/children to call her mom. 

I'm praying the next year will be glorifying to God and that I will be a good steward of my family time. I'm grateful for a supportive husband, family and friends. 

Advent Calendars

Our Christmas season has been filled with an unlikely tradition. Every night, our boys ask for calendar time. I did not think they would enjoy it as much as they do. 

Our wonderful church offered 2 options for families to choose from. I was trying to decide if we would choose a family scratch off or the orphan care Advent calendar, when Aunt B showed up at our house with 4 scratch off calendars and 1 orphan care calendar.

Every night after dinner, we sit down at the table and spend time scratching. We take turns opening the doors on the orphan care calendar. Inside each door is a giving challenge to help us understand how blessed we are in America. Our kids all get to add some money to a recycled peanut butter jar. After Christmas, the money will be given to First Baptist Huntsville's new orphan care ministry. The fund is called "One Less".  One less orphan, one less broken heart, one less family worlds apart. Families in our church will be able to apply for funds to help cover adoption costs. Blessed church.

For example, last night, the challenge was to give $0.02 for each pair of shoes in our house. We had fun counting the shoes. What we learned is that our family has entirely too many shoes. 70. Our family has 70 pairs of shoes. So much of the world doesn't even have one pair of shoes. Who needs 70 pairs of shoes? That one cost us $1.40. Some other examples: we had to give money for every non-water drink we had that day... money if we had more than one pair of clothes... money if we had running water in our home... money for every window in our house... money for every person who has more than a 4th grade education...These are all things that most of our world doesn't have access to. 

Some nights our littlest two stand off over who is going to put the money in the jar first... The conversation last night went like this:

Little bit(daughter age 3): "Me no. Him first"

Bat boy (son age 5): "Me no... her first"

continue for 45 seconds.

Oldest in Polish: "Little bit, put your money in.. it is to help children with no families"

Be still my heart... this boy who has had a forever family for only 5 weeks is scolding his sister for wanting to keep the dime instead of putting it in the jar. 

This Christmas I have been drawn to the part of the story about Joseph. Joseph who adopted Jesus to be his son. Joseph is a new perspective for me as I look at Forever dad learning to parent our kids. He is incredible and the best partner to us. 

In less serious terms, our kids love Santa. They love seeing him. Our kids celebrate St. Nick's day on December 6th. Santa comes to our house to pick up their Christmas list and leaves little goodies in their stocking. Thankfully stores are not sold out of stocking stuffers at 10:00 PM on the night of December 5th. 

Last night, our oldest (still thinking of a blog name for him), wanted to dress up at St. Nick and have the littles sit in his lap. I had fun crafting a cotton ball beard and stuffing my trench on him. Little bit giggled and giggled. #2 dressed up as en elf in  the only green apperal we had: Forever Dad's green swim trunks. They are featured in the right hand side of this picture.

By the way: Little bit wants a baby for Christmas and not a baby doll. 

The Hanging of the Green

Tomorrow is the Hanging of the Green at First Baptist Church in Huntsville. I love this special church service as we prepare our sanctuary for the coming of Christ. 

Forever Dad must travel to Tennessee to clean out his dad's home. 

I will be taking the kids to church by myself.  I am taking them because I want attending church to be a routine that sets our week off on the right foot.

Our church has been the most incredible showing of love and support to our family.  So many of our church members have sacrificed to bring our kids home. They helped us in ways we don't even know. They have given us clothes, traded us cars, changed our light bulbs, taken care of our dog, prayed for us, given us money, advice and love. 

 I know that so many people feel part of our kids lives. They have prayed for them and loved them as long as we have. With all that said, tomorrow, my children will walk into a giant room of strangers. I can imagine their anxiety will be quite high. Physical touch also escalates them. 

Tomorrow, if you see us at church, please wave and give us a friendly smile. When we wave and smile back, know that we are offering our biggest hugs and hundreds of words of gratitude to you. Over time, as we all get more comfortable,  we will be happy to offer hugs and spend time talking.

Tomorrow, we may sneak out early. We want church to be a positive and lovely experience for everyone.

Merry Christmas from us to you.

Happy Thanksgiving

I want to apologize to all the adoptive moms out there who blog. When you came home with your precious children, I waited anxiously for you to update your blog. When you finally did, it wasn't nearly often or in depth enough for my liking. I am sorry I put those expectations on you. I now understand how unfair it was of me. I am way to busy (also read: tired) to blog well.

Forever Dad and I are doing well. Our kids are adjusting and starting to really enjoy being home. We are loving every one of them and the precious treasures that they are.

Today our family (minus Papaw who had to work) came to our house for lunch. We had a great time.

Happy Thanksgiving from our Forever Family, Grandmas, Aunts and Uncles and Keller.

American Soil

Yesterday, we were technically in America. We went to the U.S. Embassy twice. We went early in the morning because they only accept payment for Visas before noon. Then we left, walked to the passport office to get our kids' Polish passports, went to KFC to bum some WIFI so we could complete our DS-260s on each kid, then walked back to the Embassy.

I'd never been in an Embassy before, but it was all very official. The people were nice. The boys were upset that they didn't get to do their finger prints. Nathan did all the fingerprinting because the kids are all minors. 

We left and went to the Copernicus Science Center where we met up with another American adoptive family. They are from Jackson, Mississippi and are adopting 2 little boys. They are 3 weeks from traveling home.

Today, we have visas in hand. Here is the to do list:

1. Appeal Period ends
2. Get Official Adoption Decree from the court in Gorzow.
3. Get new birth certificates from the kids birth city.
4. Get new cards for the kids with their new names on it (Polish equivalent to the social security card.)
5. Get Polish passports for the kids
6. Get medical exam for the kids.
7. Fill out new visa paperwork for the kids (The form changed while we were in country, so we have to do it all again).
8. Go to the US Embassy to get visas
9. Travel home!

As you can see... we are on step 9.

We leave tomorrow. 
We fly out of Warsaw at 6:55 PM and then travel to Frankfurt, then Houston, then Birmingham. We will then drive from Birmingham to Huntsville. 

I am only 1 sleep from my kids being American citizens, seeing my family, friends and dog. 

Our Appeal Period Ends Today

If no one appeals our adoption by the close of business today, our adoption will be final. 

Final.

Finally.

Finally a Forever Family.

Here is a picture of the door to the courtroom where we became parents!

This has been the end/beginning of a long, tedious and wonderful journey. The days here are treasured but long. 

Last night, we sat in the floor with the two big boys and showed off our stupid human tricks. They can both roll their tongues and they have very flexible fingers. #1 can put his foot behind his head.

Today, we are going to the doctor for our U.S. Visa medical exam. The boys are a little nervous about it. The doctor has to draw blood on all the kids above the age of 5. Luckily little girl doesn't have to get blood drawn. Unfortunately, #2 passes out when he sees needles. This morning he asked if he could take ketchup to put in the vials instead of drawing blood. After a good laugh, we explained that the doctors would think he is a tomato and the United States would not let us adopt tomatoes.

Speaking of food, we have encountered some interesting foods here. Pizza is almost always served with ketchup, even at the restaurants. They eat ketchup on french toast and thought we were crazy when we asked for syrup. They found some jam for us. Peanut butter is hard to find, but Nutella is everywhere. My kids would be happy eating Nutella for every meal. They also eat about 10-15 bananas a day. I hope kids can't get potassium poisoning from too many bananas. 12/4 is only 3 bananas per kid but I have a sneaky suspicion that #2 eats most of them. I buy bananas daily.

Our apartment is on the top/5th floor of a building. The building is on top of a store, so we only have to run down several flights of stairs to get easy things like juice, bread and bananas. If we need to do a big run, we drive to the Tesco. That is one of my biggest stresses of the week because 4 kids in a grocery store is stressful enough, but when you have to use google translate on every item, it adds to the stress. On top of all that, I have kids asking for random things or just putting things in the cart. All of this is normal for parents, but being in a foreign country is just hard. 

The cute thing is when they want something, the kids say, "Mommy, yes money-money?"

We like to swim, but at the local pool, you have to wear a swim cap. Also, Daddy got in trouble for wearing western style swim trunks. The kind of swim trunks every man/boy in America wears. The lifeguard said his trunks were unsafe and the next time we come, he will have to wear a speedo!

This old building is in the middle of Warsaw and houses several things... 2 museums, a theatre and elevators to the top. The boys wanted to go to the top, but it was very expensive. We may go do that on our last day in Warsaw.  I have a feeling they will not like it, but they really want to go.

We are ready for America

Our kids realize we are just killing time here in Warsaw. They are so ready to go to America. They joke a lot about it. Every time they see an airplane, they say, "Going to America"? Or when they are planning the day, they often put "Go to America" somewhere between lunch and dinner.

Our daily schedule:

6:15: #3 wakes up.
7:00: #2 wakes up.
7-9: #1 and Little girl wake up.
9-11: Eat breakfast and prepare for the day. 
Mid morning-Mid afternoon: travel to the adventure place for the day. This often includes swimming, the park, Kolorado (a fabulous indoor play place), or somewhere downtown. We really loved the zoo and the boys were excited to see the stadium.
Snack and lunch are in there somewhere. Lunch is our big meal of the day.
Dinner and shower time are always an adventure.
8:00: Bedtime for the littles
9:00: Bedtime for the bigs and the parents

As you can tell, there is lots of downtime and the kids get bored. When they get bored, they start to aggravate each other.  We try to stay busy and limit the damage.

One of our favorite places is this crazy awesome park close by. It would not be allowed in America. There are too many hazards. Our kids love it. There is this tall rope contraption that you can climb up, lots of spinny things, a sand box, swings and even ping pong. We often spend 2-3 hours here.

That is our oldest at the top of the rope thing. He likes to race dad to the top.

This is a really fun picture of the kids at the airport waiting for grandpa to leave to go to America. We miss him. After Dad came back to Poland and Grandpa went to America, the kids asked if Mom was going to America and Babcia (Grandma) was coming to Poland. 
I think that is good logic, but alas, Babcia (pronounced: bob-cha) is staying in America and mom is staying in Poland.

Our appeal period ends on Wednesday, then our facilitator will pick our adoption decree on Thursday along with our new birth certificates. 

We are tentatively thinking we will be home at the end of next week... perhaps the 23rd, 24th, or 25th. 

Here is the checklist of things that need to be finished before we can travel:

1. Appeal Period ends
2. Get Official Adoption Decree from the court in Gorzow.
3. Get new birth certificates from the kids birth city.
4. Get new cards for the kids with their new names on it (Polish equivalent to the social security card.)
5. Get Polish passports for the kids
6. Get medical exam for the kids.
7. Fill out new visa paperwork for the kids (The form changed while we were in country, so we have to do it all again).
8. Go to the US Embassy to get visas
9. Travel home!

We are hoping we can get all that done in 7-9 days. We are limited by the business days, but luckily, there aren't any holidays during these few weeks.


We met an American family yesterday. They are also using Lifeline Adoption Agency and they are adopting 3 children. Their 3 new kids are being added to their original 4 biological kids. We played at their house and had a grand time. It was really wonderful to speak with some native English speakers and our kids could talk to their kids. Did I mention they are also from North Alabama? We can be friends in the states too! It felt like home when we walked in to see all the kids decked out in their Auburn gear. I guess game day is still game day no matter where you are.

We are off to another day. Maybe Old Town to see some historical sites... Maybe the park... Maybe a museum... Maybe swimming.

Say some prayers, I'm feeling a little under the weather and I'm rocking a fever blister with NO ABREVA! Who travels to another country, into the most stressful situation of their life with no Abreva? This girl.
Our awesome facilitator brought me some medicine for it... It is all written in Ukranian. This is trust.

Sending love from Warsaw.